"Peeing for freedom"

That's what we call the random drug screens that are yet another fun and exciting part of Army life. This morning was my turn.

I turn my phone to silent at night (because, let's face it, my sleep is much more important than anything that anybody would be calling me about in the middle of the night), so I missed the 0400 call telling me to report to Student Company for a urine drug screen at 0600. Well, I woke up at 0545, because I don't have to be at work until 0800, so I just said, "Well, that's not going to happen," and went on with my morning. I figured I was going to be late no matter what, so I wasn't in a hurry. I ended up getting in a little after 0700. I shouldn't have even hurried that much, because they completely didn't care that I was there more than an hour late. The sergeant just handed me a cup and said, "Okay, ma'am, Specialist *** will be going with you." (it's all supervised... quite awkward).

Pretty standard day in clinic. I was in the GIMC (General Internal Medicine Clinic) again this morning. Three patients, two of which were sick call (if you're sick enough to miss work, you're sick enough to go to the doctor. Army efficiency or something). The first wanted a profile for a sprained ankle from seven months ago. He had been seen in Ortho already and had been told that he has to go back to Ortho for any further profiles, so I just reiterated that and sent him away. Then there was a case of diarrhea--just wrote him an order to go home.

I spent my lunch in the general surgery call room, where I discovered that I didn't have the worst random drug screen story, by fall. My friend Emily was on call last night. She doesn't get reception in the hospital, so she didn't get the 0400 call to come in. She finally got the message when she was on her way home, after 1200. So being the responsible officer that she is, she turned around and went back, only to be told that they were done doing the drug screens and she had to go to the ER to have it done. Well, they don't do supervised urine drug screens in the ER, so they sent her away as well. By this point (30+ hours awake, having to deal with this, etc), she was pretty much in tears when she called the company commander to explain the situation. He just let it go.

Anyway, here's a picture of post-call Emily after having to deal with all of this. The "cat ears" on her head is actually the neck tabs for her uniform. Being post-call makes you do some strange things.